Bell Jar, 1-2

"It was a cool and sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York."

The first line of the book means that Esther was feeling upset about the Rosenbergs, and she didn't think she had anything to do about it. The second half of the line means that Esther feels lost in New York. The second line especially just shows that Esther is extremely lost. She doesn't have a sense of purpose in life, or in New York. She is apart of this fashion contest that hundreds of girls would die to be apart of, yet she doesn't feel the same excitment. She is living through her life contemplating things, and second guessing her self. Esther knows this contest was a big deal, but she still can't bring herself to feel happy about the whole idea. This sentence shows that she kind of thinks her being in New York, going to all of the parties, wearing all of the glitz and glam, is extremely pointless for her. As for the middle part of the sentece, she is saying they because she doesn't want to be associated with the idea of the Rosenbergs being electrocuted at all.