Bell Jar, 11-12

Esther is just a messed up girl. She doesn't know what she wants from her life, and when she thinks she is happy, she does something to make herself not happy. Also, part of Esther's problem is that she doesn't think she is crazy. She wants to stop seeing Dr. Gordon, which makes a little bit of sense because he isn't doing much, but if she stops seeing him, she doesn't realize that she is sick and needs to go see someone to help her. Esther has gone completely off the deep end. She spends the latter part of her scholarship time in New York, worrying about what she will do once she gets out of college. Then she finally decides that she will be a writer, because that is the only thing she is good at, but the first thing she finds out when she gets home to Boston is that she didn't make the writing class. This completely turned her life upside down, because now what she planned to do the rest of her life was not going to happen, or at least happen the way she wanted it to. Esther had this all on top of her already crazy life and personality, which did not help her at all. All of this probably had a impact on her thinking about killing herself. She is not happy with her life, and that she isnt really successfull, on top of the fact that her mother is upset that she isnt normal.